STINKY JOHN JONES

Now I Understand Why God Made Me A Parent

edited:  The Title to this post was changed from "And God Made Me A Parent, Why?" because after reading Robert from Thought of a Father's comment, I have gained insight into why I was given such an important job.

This week has not been a good one for J Boy...he even got lost....but that's a story for another day....when I can catch my breath.

It started out like any normal week...he woke up, his nose was still running, his diaper leaked so his pj's were wet, J Girl was yelling at him to wake up, and he couldn't find his bink...and it was only Monday.

So Tuesday rolls around, and I pick the kids up from the sitters (who is their Godmother's Mother...did you get that my Cousin's Uncle's Girlfriend's Brother's Wife?).  It was just like any other day, but on this day in question, the sitter informed me that for the last two days, J Boy has taken his nap without his bink...and that he doesn't use one at her house anymore.  On one hand, I was happy...no more searching for a bink all blurry-eyed in the middle of the night as he yells "Ma Bink!" and one step closer to baby freedom.

But I should have known that the Gods were just teasing me...they were up there high in the sky looking down saying, "Not so fast, little lady" (what's strange is that I picture them saying this in a cowboy accent).  As soon as we walked in the door to our house,  he started....bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, MA BINK!  I tried to hold him off, and it worked.  He ate dinner (he keeps his bink on his plate) without it, he played after dinner without it, he took his bath (he has it in the tub too) without it....and finally I put his pj's on, and then he started....bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, MA BINK!  I just didn't have the heart to do it....I gave in....I handed him his bink....and he was happy.  It was like the bink was a lollipop...he sucked on it, licked it, talked to it, and just tossed it around in his mouth and treated it like it was an old school buddy he hadn't seen in like forever. 

I thought he was over our little "let's try to take the bink away episode because there is nothing like traumatizing your child for no reason" , but apparently he was not.
This morning, as I was getting him dressed, he sang me a little song that he must have made up in memory of getting his bink back.  It goes something like this (in B flat, harmonica please), "Binka Binka Binka Binky" and the next refrain, "Binka Binka Binka Binky".  And the chorus, "Binka Binka Binka Binky).  It was so catchy that even J Girl and I were singing it.  And J Boy was laughing, with the bink dangling from his mouth, dangerously close to falling out, but he always knows when to suck it back in.

How Trusting Are You?

I am not too trusting of people.  I don't know when I lost trust in others, but for some reason I am always watching who is around me, what they are doing, and why they are there.  I leave my outside lights on all night because I figure they have balls if they try to break in my house with lights shining on them...and at that point, they can have it....I also have little eye hooks on my storm doors to deter the kids from getting out, but I put them on at night also...to deter the people getting in.

Or maybe it is because we live a short distance from a city that, I swear, is the crime central of America....I think it was once called The Murder Capital of America...which is awful, and scary.
I am destined for rural America, and one day it will happen.  I have this urge for my children to grow up in a small town, to be able to walk to school, for the post man to be my neighbor, to get milk from the general store (or from my own cows), to walk into town because I just need a few things, to only drive my car on Sundays, to have a tire swing in the field, to overlook a stream, to have a barn filled with animals, to breathe fresh air everyday without the worry of smog and pollutants. 

Anyway (sorry for the wandering mind)....I was at a red light this morning on my way to work ...and I see in my mirror that the guy behind me got out of his car and was walking towards my drivers door.  He motioned for me to put my window down, which I did a tiny bit, and only after I checked to make sure my doors were locked.
He told me that I have a nail in my back, drivers tire!  Can you believe that...he must have saw it since he was driving behind me and was nice enough to let me know.  So, not all people are bad...and he looked to be young...plus he went towards the Community College, so I guess he was a student.  But still, I probably would have maced him had I had any.

Now, I have to take my car over to the tire place tomorrow and have it fixed...and it's not a nail...it's a screw...a big one.
It doesn't seem to be losing air, so hopefully it will be fine until tomorrow....I was going to take it to a gas station close to work on my lunch hour, but again...I don't trust that they know what they are doing!

Happy Leap Day Everyone!

Since you guys are like "family" to me...I will tell you exactly what I told them:

Happy Leap Day....now go take a leap!

#14....Why I am Crazy!

In 100 Things About Me, #14, and 15, 16 and #17 talk about my Allergies...and this post will also elaborate on #96, 97, 98 and #99 too....good god, talk about killing "many" birds with one stone~

Anyway, growing up, my Mom and Sister had many allergies...they would go every week to have an allergy shot....and sometimes I would go along...mainly just to watch my sister kick and scream...I was a weird kid.  But during these many visits, I often wondered what was wrong with them.  Why did they have allergies, and why couldn't they just eat what they were allergic too...was their head going to explode or something?

Fast forward a few years....I was around 23 years old.  One night I came home from work...I was living with my boyfriend in an apartment not too far from my parents (If you read #2 you would know this).  He wasn't home so I decided to make myself something to eat and watch some TV.  As I was sitting on the couch this strange feeling came over me...I suddenly couldn't breathe, my heart was racing and my hands were tingling.  At this point I started freaking out...I couldn't get in touch with my boyfriend and my parents were away.  I called a friend who lived not far....I was worried that I would die in my apartment before I could get help. I am sure at this point you are wondering why I didn't call 911 or just run outside and start screaming.......this feeling, it feels like you are going to die, but in your mind you almost understand that it is not a "real" emergency.  It's strange, but I will try to explain the best I can.
So, after a few minutes, I finally got in touch with my boyfriend, he was not far from home....and at just about the same time, he pulled, screeching, into the parking lot of our building, as I was racing down the stairs meeting him at the door with my coat on, gasping.  I finally got out that I needed to go to the hospital as I was climbing into the car.  I just had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to get out of there and get help.
Waiting in the ER was horrendous....I think they understood that I was having an anxiety attack, or rather I know, since they didn't take me back right away...but still the waiting and gasping was horrible. After the doctor finally examined me, he said in a rather uncaring way, "You just had an anxiety attack, you will be fine. Take this Valium and go home and rest."

No explanation of what it was and why? What caused this "attack"?  Will I have more, how will I know when I am not dieing?  Nothing.
That was the start of a long and drawn out ordeal.  There were many nights that I would be woken by an "attack" and my first instinct was to run.  I would always "run" to my parents and many nights I would crawl into their bed.  There were days that I would have an "attack" or many that lasted all day, one right after another.  Remember I was 23 years old, and this did not seem normal....I wanted my freedom, I wanted what I used to have...I wanted them to stop.
So, I sought help.....I went to my family doctor who prescribed Paxil and told me that after a few weeks they would go away....they didn't, it made them worse....now I was having one or more everyday, and was almost unable to function. 

At this point, and probably from the beginning, my Mom explained to me that she also has these "attacks" and has had them since she was my age, the EXACT age.  That she suffered with them for many years while people, including her mother and doctors, told her she was just nuts, crazy.  She finally was referred to an allergist who after extensive testing concluded that she was allergic to, just one of many things, milk.  It didn't take long for her to keep a food diary, and figure out that these attacks were brought on by her allergies. 

During one of the nights, while I lay crying on her couch, she told me that someone gave her the name of a nutritionist, and that maybe she can help.  She made the appointment...and thank god, because right before my appointment I got to the point where I couldn't or didn't want to eat.  I had lost a good amount of weight and no matter what I did, my body refused to consume food.
It didn't take long for her to see what was going on with my body...I was allergic to what is found in most foods.  I was allergic to milk, eggs, barley, chocolate, kidney beans, thyme, etc....the list is long, but milk and eggs are the major ones.  Everything else I can have in moderation now, but them I needed to avoid almost everything.
I could have kissed her that day had I known at the time that this would work....I was skeptical...I didn't think anyone could help me, and I just remember crying out, "I am sick of being sick!"

It wasn't long before I was feeling good...I was avoiding certain foods, and really only had an attack when I ate something that unknowingly contained what I was allergic too.  I was on the mend by not totally "over it".  I decided it was time to seek a therapist, who taught me biofeedback...and explained that I cannot run away from it....I needed to face it head on...ride it out...I wasn't going to die, and as long as I focused on my breathing techniques, I would be fine.  And you know what, I did, and I am.

I can have an "attack" (which doesn't happen often, and really I can not remember the last time I had one full blown).  I still have the allergies, but have learned that I can have a little egg, in moderation...such as if someone cooked with one, like meatloaf.  I have a new understanding of my Mom, who for many years raised two kids while trying to overcome her own "craziness".  I am no longer afraid to be alone....I am no longer waiting for the next attack....I am no longer consumed by this illness....I am no longer "sick of being sick".

Wordless Wednesday- The Good Ole' Boy

#6 My Yellow Lab Cody

In 100 Things About Me, #6 reads:  BUT, I did have a Yellow Lab named Cody who had to be put to sleep 3 years ago due to cancer,  just before his 12th Birthday.

Today....is his Birthday!  He was born on February 27, 1993.  I was 16 years old and was begging for my Parents to let me have a dog.  My Dad had a Springer Spaniel named Frannie, but she was his and I wanted my own.  We had heard from my Nana that my Mom's cousin (who lived across the street from her)  had a Lab that was due to have puppies....and they finally caved.
I will never forget that day....the puppies were just born and I knew I wanted a male.  We went over to look, and as I peered into the welping box I saw HIM.  He was one of the largest males, only one other was larger and he was already taken.  From that point on, I could not wait for him to be ready to take home.  I didn't even have a name for him yet.  We brought him home over Easter weekend, at 5.5 weeks.  I still remember everyone commenting on how big his paws were and what that meant.  They told me to enjoy his time as a puppy, because it wouldn't last long. 
We took him to the vet, and while waiting I read that Cody meant Big Pillow in American Indian...so that's what I named him.  Later on, his paper name would be Three Sheets To The Wind....since his ancestry was named after alcoholic beverages...but according to my Dad...."We should have just thrown those 3 one hundred dollar bills out the car window!" (And you wonder where I get my odd, almost cruel humor)
Fast forward a couple of months......I was working at the Deli and I got a call......my Parents rushed Cody to the Emergency Hospital because he couldn't stand and his stomach was distended.  Turns out, he was born with a weak stomach lining and would need to be on special canned food at $3.00 a can, which he ate 3 of each day!  You can tell at this point  how happy my Father was to hear this news. 
And that was the start of a long, though not so healthy lifetime for my Cody.
To make it easier, here are some points of interest of our life together:

    1) I helped my Dad build a dog run for him, and my Dad built a doghouse to go with it.
    2) A few weeks later we pulled into the driveway to find Cody's head sticking out the side.... he chewed a hole in it.
    3) I had to take my savings and buy him a plastic one that he could not chew.
    4) During the hot days of summer, my Dad put a roof on his dog run to keep it cooler....Cody pulled it  down.
    5) He would always tip over his water bowl, so I ended up getting him a horse bucket and clasping it to his fence.
    6) When it was really hot, he would put his front paws in it and "dig" to cool down.
    7) He would howl in his doghouse because he liked the echo.
    8) Once he ran into his dog house so fast, it was knocked off it's base and he came tumbling out.
    9) After that, my Dad had to secure it to the ground.
   10) In the winter, we would put straw in the dog's houses to keep them warm....Cody always pushed his out.  He did not receive that privilage anymore.
   11) One day he was sick, so we had him on the line in the garage....in one weekend, he chewed two    carpets, scratched three cars, ate the bumper on my Parents Camper, chewed the grill leg, and ate an entire section of lattice off the porch...oh, and a tire cover.
   12)  When I left for college, they tried to make me take him with me....in the dorms.
   13)  He almost always pooped in his cage at night, and if he was left out, would bark until all the  neighbors were awake.
   14)  He went to school with me after the first year, and at one point barked so much someone called the cops.
   15)  When the cops showed up at my door, I opened it and Cody tried to attack one...mainly because he was the trooper type and was wearing a hat...Cody hated men wearing hats.
   16)  One crisp morning, my neighbor walked up our driveway wearing a hooded sweatshirt (and you   guessed it) with the hood up....Cody had his leg in his mouth and wouldn't let go until the neighbor    started yelling.
   17) During his time at College, we were going through 40 pounds of dog food in 2 weeks!  I would take  80 pounds with me to last the month.
    18) And of course, due to his stomach problem, he had to eat the most expensive food on the market.
    19) Another memorable time, he was in my then boyfriend's room at the frat house.  On this  particular night, they were having a pledging event and Cody broke the door down of the room, ran        down three flights of stairs, scared the pledges to a stand still, started to sniff their butts and  eventually lifted his leg on one.
   20)  He had a tendency to pee on people...once my Dad was petting him while Cody was standing on  his back legs in his dog run....he happened to feel something warm at which point he noticed Cody        peeing on his leg.
   21)  Another time, my Parents were talking to a neighbor at the fence, Cody walked over and lifted his  leg on the neighbor's shoe, they were white, and now yellow.
   22)  A few years after college, Cody started having seizures.  We always thought it was due to the    heartworm medication. 
   23)  During one seizure, he jumped up into bed and peed...I was in it.
   24)  After that, he went down hill.  He had many accidents and I would inevitably come home to runny  stools everywhere....but we trudged on.
   25)  He developed hard tumors on his body.
   26)  We were told it was canceer 
   27)  His last day he had bloody stool and could not stand up....I couldn't do it.
   28)  I had a new baby, and my old baby was hanging on by a thread.
   29)  We decided it was time....husband and my Dad took him to the Vet.
   30)  I stayed home and cried holding my Daughter with my Mom.
   31)  The vet called to say she stayed with him the entire time...he went peacefully.
   32)  I lost my best friend, protector and confidant that day.
   33)  He was there through many boyfriends and never judged.
   34)  He would always fight my battles
   35)  I still hang his ornament on the Christmas tree every year.

update:  There will be pictures of Cody later on...for Wordless Wednesday...I thought it was fitting.

Let's Get Personal, Personal!

I can't help but hear that song by Olivia Newton John, Let's Get Physical!
Anyway,  it feels like it's time to get a little personal, so here it goes.......I will try 100 things About ME....but beware...I lead a boring life.

1)  I am a Mom.  But you already know that....now it gets juicy!
2)  I live within 5 miles of where I grew up...needless to say, I never ventured far
3)  I don't drink caffeine.....
4)  But I DO put 7 sugars in my tea to make up for it
5)  I have a VERY fat Chihuahua (another you already know)
6)  BUT, I did have a Yellow Lab named Cody who had to be put to sleep 3 years ago due to cancer,  just before his 12th Birthday
7)  I drive a Chrysler Mini-Van....who woulda thought, right
8)  I used to drive a Pontiac Fiero
9)  Said Fiero would start every morning but don't stop anywhere and shut it off, because it wouldn't start again
10) It was on fire at some point in its life....shame it didn't burn
11) My Dad and I drove all over trying to find a junk yard to take it...found one right as it broke down for good
12) Also had a Pontiac Sunbird that had one head light permanently stuck up and half a key
13) I purposely don't cook anything good just so others won't expect me too
14) I have allergies
15) One is milk...that sucks...I drink Soy
16) Another is eggs...just shoot me
17) Also chocolate...I know, I know...put me out of my misery
18) I have my Tragus pierced...that is the hard piece right outside your ear canal
19) I also had my navel pierced...and only took it out because I was having a c-section the next day and couldn't wear jewelry
20) I used to play the piano but have since forgotten most of what I learned
21) I rode horses and competed throughout my childhood
22) I owned two
23) I had to sell my last one because I was going to college
24) I still miss it
25) I went to college right out of high school
26) Picked my college because it was in Playboy's Top Ten party schools
27) I was in a sorority
28) Had 3 different majors
29) Never finished, at the time, had about a semester left, give or take a class or two.
30) I have never been outside of the US
31) And probably won't because I am afraid to fly over water
32) I hate when closet, drawers or cabinet doors are left open
33) My parents are still married after working together for many year
34) They also have a chihuahua, although he isn't fat, but he hardly has any hair or teeth
35) He sounds ugly, but he really isn't
36) He bites people, even my Dad on occasion
37) But you would never know it when he was hit by a car
38) And lived, without a scratch on him
39) I think he is a Satan spawn
40) Neither of my kids were born on their due date
41) Both were early
42) I hate to be late, and strive to be on time
43) My kids are 22.5 months apart...that made it fun
44) I was 5 months pregnant when I got married
45) I was married at the Justice of the Peace
46) Because I think wedding are over-rated and the price would drive me insane.
47) And also because I was pregnant and afraid I would catch on fire when I entered the church
48) I used to say that I would never drive a mini-van
49) Just proves things change
50) I was raised a Catholic, and will send my kids to Catholic school, but almost never go to church
51) I always say I will and should but never make it there
52) We used to go to church every Sunday growing up
53) My Dad would wait in the car and continually honk the horn waiting for us
54) He had two girls and a wife, what did he expect
55) I have a Sister
56) She is two years younger
57) She has a daughter, my niece
58) I used to work at a deli
59) And a bird farm
60) I hated the color green growing up because that was the color of my uniform
61) I love romantic movies
62) And comedy's
63) I hate science fiction
64) We lived across the street from my Paternal Grandfather
65) I used to eat spaghetti there often
66) All of my grandparents have passed away
67) We used to live in my Maternal Grandmothers house as a newly married couple
68) That caused a falling out with my Uncle who we still do not speak to
69) I miss my Aunt and cousins, and so does my daughter
70) I love to play spades
71) My good friend and I worked on cues when playing so we would know each others hands
72) We win all the time, but others call it cheating
73) They deserve it
74) I was in the room witnessing the birth of my niece
75) Although I had two kids, there is nothing like it
76) I was scared to death for my sister
77) I was a stay at home Mom for the first 3 years of Daughter and first 1.5 years of Son life
78) It made my crazy, although I loves being their Mom
79) Thought working would be easier
80) It's not, but I love it
81) I respect all SAH and Working Mothers, it is the hardest job in the world
82) I believe it takes a village to raise a child
83) I don't eat beef
84) I used to dance, tap/ballet/jazz, and was once on Al Albert's Showcase
85) When I was 5, I had the chance to dance on Broadway with Mickey Rooney
86) I would have had to move to NY, which my parents promptly said no
87) I used to bite my nails, and since then, they have a very hard time growing
88) I talk to my Mom everyday, sometimes more than once, or 5 times
89) When I call, my Dad is in the background saying, "What do you want now, Valerie?"
90) I like to sit in my Dad's shop and watch him woodwork
91) I hate the cold weather....really hate it
92) Since I live in Pa, I am miserable for 6 months of the year
93) I want to move to the south, far south
94) I am afraid of leaving my Family
95) When my house is messy, I freak out
96) I have anxiety, and use to have panic attacks due to my allergies
97) I saw a nutritionist who seemed to fix that
98) My Mom never thought I was crazy...she has/had the same thing
99) Her Mom thought she was crazy, and vowed never to do the same
100)I am Me..........

update:  Each day I will pick one at random and elaborate (don't kill me if I miss a day).

And this post is also located over there -----------> in the sidebar!

What Am I, 12?

If you have been wondering why I haven't posted yet today....it is because I have been playing THIS!
It is addicting...so beware!  I cannot stop....I need to get off this ride!

My best distance is 1299...what's yours?
Now go play....and I'll catch ya'll later....when my obsession is over or I lose internet service....whichever comes first.

Make Me Laugh Monday!

May contain adult content....sorry kiddos!

Subject: WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM 
 

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb.
weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there
stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year
old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike
running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the
weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can
catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally
gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four
days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day,
he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has
lost 10 lbs., as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20
pound! program m. The next day there's a knock at the
door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful,
sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is
wearing nothi ng but Reebok running shoes and a sign
around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can
have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This
girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but
no such luck. So for the next four days, the same
routine happens with him gradually getting in better
and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs
himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20
lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and
calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound
program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the
phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he rep! lies. " I haven't felt this good
in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door and when
he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing
there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a
sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,
your ass is mine."

He lost 63 pounds that week.



Subject: Rubber Gloves

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:
 
  A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
 
   "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
  "No, I don't," she replied.
   
  "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
   
  She didn't crack a smile.
 
  "Oh, well. I tried," he thought.
   
  But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
 
  "What's so funny?" he asked
 
  "I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"
 
   Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!

UPDATE! The World Greatest Music Collection...and a dimwit!

I heard that the winning bidder was a fraud!  I read it yesterday, but have yet to come across it again online to confirm.  I thought it was confirmed by the Pittsburgh Newspapers, but again, I am not 100% sure until I read it again myself.

Oh, oh, I just found it!  It is true according to The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette....here is an excerpt:

The latest development in the auction of the Record Rama collection is that the high bidder known as "jopsoup" is now listed as no longer a registered user of eBay.

It's not clear what that could mean for the tentative sale of the some 3 million LPs, 45s, CDs, cassettes and 8 tracks, deemed by owner/seller Paul Mawhinney as "the World's Largest Music Collection.''

On Thursday, jopsoup put in a bid of $3,002,500 for the collection, housed in Mawhinney's Ross store. J. Paul Henderson, the agent for Mawhinney, was trying to track down the bidder today.

Wonder what happens now....does it go to the next bidder or just back up on Ebay for some other rich sap to buy?