The One that Got Away

I used to be a SAHM.....that's "stay at home Mom" for anyone who hasn't seen the acronym before.  I know its hard to fathom, what with my head exploding, lack of patience self, but once....that's right....I stayed home.  During that time I had joined a playgroup.  Mostly for my child, but really for my sanity.  There is nothing like the isolation of a first time Mom, especially when you are sleep deprived, to send you over the edge.  J Girl was about 5 or 6 months when we began, and whats great is that our little group has been going strong ever since.  Even after a few of us have gone back to work.  We are there for each other, getting each other through those tough parenting times when you lock yourself in the bathroom and begin to tear your hair out. 

That being said, I wanted that same close-knit group of friends for J Boy.  Sure he tagged along with us, but it still wasn't the same.  So a few of us got together and formed another group, a baby group if you will.  The seconds.  At the time, it sounded like a great idea.  I thought this group would be better.  More adult conversation, more seasoned Moms.  Moms who could relax and let the kids play as we sipped wine and told nasty jokes while the kids played in the other room. 

Boy, was I wrong.  What ended up happening was just another group of first timers....with a couple seconds thrown in.  Some didn't like the fact that our older children would be attending.  Some thought they had all the answers and our get-togethers would become a "sermon" of the best baby products to use, breast is best and formula sucks, even going as far to say working Moms were totally disconnected. Please.  Working Moms are connected.  Connected to the fact that not only do we do what you do, we do it until midnight to catch up.

What really got my goad one day was the fact that they didn't enjoy looking at my son wearing pink.  I mean, come on, he's the second....haven't they ever heard of hand-me-downs?  (Really, that didn't happen....just wanted to see if you were still awake and with me!) 

Anyway, there was one gathering in particular that sticks out like a sore thumb, or head, but we will get to that.  One warm weekday afternoon, I had offered my home for the Moms and children to swim.  I had thought that at least I wouldn't have to listen to more crap getting shoved down my throat if I was underwater.  So, we gathered.  And at first it was going, well, swimmingly.  If someone began to "talk" I would sneak off to the deep end and practice holding my breath.  At one point, I must have been out of the pool....my fault....and a Mother asked me for some aspirin. She had a headache....most likely from listening to her child scream since she was all about letting him get his emotions out.  Have you not heard of a pacifier, or maybe a toy....oh no....he needed to learn to self soothe.....ahhhhhh.
So I asked this particular Mother to keep an eye on my son while I ran in.  He was just a year at the time and in that first steps stage.  Not quite walking, but yet fast enough to run, ya know.  So I headed into the house.  After rummaging around for Motrin because Tylenol won't do a thing according to her, I came back out to an uproar.  The Mother was screaming, other Mothers were screaming, and even more Mothers were frantically gathering the first Mothers belongings. 

"Um, where is my son?" I asked, hint hint....the freaking pool you idiot.
"Over there!" as she pointed to him like he was the devil trying to steal her son's soul.
"Okay.....what is going on?" as I pick J Boy up in my arms.
"HE," pointing again with that long witch finger of hers, "just BIT my SON!"
"Well, is he okay?" I'm telling you, I had to drag any kind of information out of this woman as she just stood there dumb-founded. 
"NO HE IS NOT OKAY!  YOUR SON BIT HIM!" she screamed at me.
"I'm sorry that you are so upset, but he is just a year and I did ask YOU to watch him." I spat back.

Now I am pissed...not just angry....but that Mother bear I could eat you in my own backyard pissed.

As she put her bag together I heard her speak to another woman about animals, and how could someone ALLOW her child to bite.  I think it was about here that things took a turn for the worse.

"Kids BITE!" I informed her.  "Your kid will BITE too, believe me!  All the gymboree classes won't help that!" as I showed her to the door.  "Again, I apologize for his actions, but I think it was really unnecessary for you to talk to me that way in my home."
"This is ridiculous!" she yelled as she walked to her car. "I am calling the doctor as soon as we get in the car!"
"Make sure you tell them he had his rabies shot!" I yelled back. 
Well, I thought of that later......what I really did was just slam the door. 

Good riddance.  That was our last playdate with THAT group.  Last I heard they fell apart.  They could never get a good time or day going because someone was always reading some stupid book claiming strange things....like children should only be stimulated in the morning, or the afternoon....or maybe we should schedule a playtime for midnight....that way they get used to the dark.  Who knows....they were all nuts. 

The lesson here?   You can't pick your kids friends.  Well, you can......but their parents could very well suck.   

Comments

[Beth - total mom haircut]

I thought I'd commented on this...oh well. Still am amazed that this happened to you. Poor woman, because the thing is, we all know she has a biter now (because that's how karma works, right?). So every single day she has to remember how she treated you and realize how wrong, so very, very wrong she was. Every time her kid bites someone. Every. Single. Time.

[Kim]

Oh - you are so right. I've been lucky so far and have liked all of my kids friends parents for the most part. No one that I really have wanted to stay away from.
You are one brave Mama for hosting all of them. You are tops in my book for just that, and then not totally losing on the woman! You have great restraint!

[midwestmommy]

I so know what you are talking about. I always tell my husband that the mommy world is like a secret cult and one wrong move gets you kicked out and talked about for life. I took my kids to one of our friends' house who had a 4 month old. My two year old barely, BARELY pushed the baby swing to make it rock and they flip out on her that she was going to break it. What's up with that? Sometimes I can't wait for them to reach the toddler years in the glass houses they live in.

[Deanna]

I wish we lived close! I'd so hang out with you! K-man bites me all the time. Tough little sucker can leave marks! I'm telling you, he's holding a grudge over that not-breastfeeding thing. (oh wait! That means I feed him evil formula!) He's 8 months old...I'm not sure there's much I can do to deter biting. He's had his rabies shot, too. And good for you for dishing it back at the mommy who's precious is so perfect!
I never think of the good comebacks until later, but I sure can spout off some stuff when I'm mad. I hope her kid bit someone else's kid and she got a taste of her own medicine.

And thanks for the comment today! :)

[Shannon (Muzbee Crazy)]

I have a hard time getting in on Mommy things like that for that same reason. That's how it is in the nursery at church. All this crap about routines and what's best for their kid...gimme a break!
Both of my kids bit others when they were younger. I hope her kid has bitten somebody by now. I bet her reaction would have been priceless!

[Nancy]

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! *Your* kid bites??? Mine's graduated to kickboxing. They'd do well together. And yeah, Zeke isn't rabid either...had him vaccinated at birth. He looked a little wild when he came out.

[Mommy Cracked]

Girl, you totally sound like someone I would hang with. I'm sitting here cracking up over what you told that "perfect" mother. Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall when her "angel" bites someone for the first time? I hope she likes crow!

[Kelly]

I can so relate to coming up with the great comebacks about ten minutes too late! I hate that...why don't I know what to say at the right time.

[Darcie]

Grrr, those yuppy parents SO get on my nerves. Get a life, ya know?

Anyway, love the rabies comment. Too bad you always think of the best ones later. :)