STINKY JOHN JONES

PHINALLY!

THEY DID IT, THEY DID IT  *as I do my happy dance and sing around the house*! 

THE PHILLIES WON THE WORLD SERIES! 

Last night, as Brad Lidge threw that last pitch I was on the edge of my seat.  Praying, hoping....let it be I said.  And when it happened, I almost couldn't believe my eyes. 

"Dave?  Did they just win?"  I asked.

And then, my answer appeared.  Fireworks and car alarms, people banging pots and pans.  Screaming in the streets.  Pure mayhem.  The kind of mayhem that only happens in Philly when something completely awesome happens. 

Poor Stink comes running into our room, crying.  "Fireworks." he whimpered.  I picked him up and swung him around.  "They did it Stink!  The Phillies won!" 

"Go Phillies." he said in that voice that signifies pure exhaustion. 

"I'm heading to Dick's Sporting Goods!" Dave yelled as he threw his shoes on and ran out the door. 
"Get me something good!" I called to him. 

As I climbed into bed, with Stink in tow I watched as the fans on television poured into the city streets.  People were swinging from light poles, fires were starting in the middle of Broad Street.  The screen was split between the stadium and the fans. 
Stinky laid his head on my shoulder and we watched.  Even as our eyes were closing, we watched.  Glued to the television.  In awe. 

Ring Ring. 

"Hello?" I said into the phone.
"You should see the line!  It's crazy here.  Police are directing traffic into the store.  Listen to this!" as Dave held his cell in the air.
"LET US IN!  LET US IN!" I heard the people chanting. 
"I'm staying!"  he said. 
"Okay.  Don't forget something cute for me!" I yelled into the phone. 

I guess it was around 1am when he finally fell into bed.  And when I woke this morning, my Phillies World Series shirt was waiting for me.  What a great reminder for this wonderful milestone our city has entered.  Let the curse of Ben Franklin be gone!
Just some Mayhem Memories!

W8Loss Wednesday.......Slightly Wacky

Today starts a new beginning.  One in which I try to gain control of a little weight that has been hanging around for far too long. 

Once upon a time,  a thin and exceptionally athletic body stood before me.  This body could keep up with the best of them, often times others that were much larger and more powerful.  But the squirt kept going.  An Energizer bunny people would exclaim. 

But sadly, as we with children know far to much about, things got out of control.  Finishing this one's leftovers or snacking with the kids.  Eating on the run.  Until one day, you look down and no longer recognize the body one is living in.  You are a couch potato dreaming of the next bon-bon dropped your way.

So we take a stand!  Against fat!  To drop that snack and just say no !

Here, as I stand before you, I am taking back the fat!  I declare the weight-loss challenge of a lifetime.  To lose just about 1/3 of total body mass.  To gain muscle back.  To get the body that was once there.
I declare war!

Let's start off with a little before picture......and please, take into consideration how embarrassing this is as I turn my back to hide the tears.....

And this, my friends is my daily allowance..........

after having free access to this...............

And now I have to wear this.............

 

in pink, none the less......so the sweat will stay out of my eyes as I work out with this............

APPARENTLY.........I am supposed to roll around on this like some doggy yoga on crack! 

Oh, where has my dignity gone! 

Please, I am begging you.....someone call animal control.  A life of squaller has got to be better than this. 

Stay tuned next week!  Our first weigh-in!  Yippee!

The Creepy Crawlies Come Out At Night

I would like to share a story with you.  A story that will give you a glimpse into what I have to deal with on a day to day basis.  By the end of this story, you should be well aware of what freaks me out the most, or at least one of my top 10 freak outs. 

I shall give you the moral of the story first..............I HATE BUGS. 

There, I said it.  Anything that has legs and crawls close to the ground.....I hate you!

(Sorry chi-chi, I didn't mean you. You are close to the ground, but not THAT close.)

Now, this little fact was fairly evident one evening as I tried to enter the house. I say tried, because I was accosted at the door.  My very own door.  One that I pay for, with some help, every day as I bust my ass at work.  

As I opened the door I felt something fall on me.  It fell right on the nape of my neck and continued to slide down into my shirt.  I screamed.  I just about ripped the hinges off the door as I fell into the house and began to shed my clothing.  Zippers and buttons and bra and under ware........all strewn on the kitchen floor as I rolled around naked, brushing off whatever had attached to me with the carpet.

"Um?  What are you doing?" Dave asked as he stood over me closely watching my antics. 
"OH MY GOD!  Do you see it?  Can you see a bug on me?" I scream, now hysterical, as I continue to roll around.
"Um.  No."  he answered as he walked away. 

Humph.  As I stand up and begin to collect my clothes.  Must have been a false alarm. 

BUT, I am definitely ready for next time.  That is totally for sure.  Nice dry run Val I say as I pat myself on the butt, er back.  Oh whatever.  Just get your clothes back on and maybe he will forget this ever happened. 

Who is...........

..........Joe the Plumber? 

Can someone answer me this?  I hear Joe the Plumber this and Joe the Plumber that and I have no idea who the hell Joe the Plumber is! 

Is this some skit on SNL?  Mad TV?  WHO IS JOE THE PLUMBER!?!?!?!?!

Ugh! Ugh! And DOUBLE UGH!

That's how I feel.  I can't help it.  It has been a whirl-wind these last couple days and at the end I just feel defeated.

If you have two kids.....or more for that matter....you can back me up when I say what I am about to say. 
One kid is easy.  Piece of cake.  You have two eyes, two arms, two legs and only one child to watch out for.  To cut off at the first sign of misbehaving. 
Now add another kid.  You are up against four eyes, four hands, four feet and triple the amount of trouble.  I know, you are thinking it should only be double the trouble.  But believe me, it's triple....or quadruple really.  It's that 'two heads are better than one' syndrome.  It takes two heads to think up the things my kids get themselves into for sure.  And as much as I would like to take those two heads and bang them together.....well, you get the idea. 

SO, back to my UGH UGH and DOUBLE UGH!  This weekend, the kids seemed to have taken their extra naughty pills and driven me right over the edge.  I have to say that by Sunday night I was done.  As in stick a fork in me and call me dinner DONE! 
I admitted defeat.  I threw up the white flag and waved it for all to see.  I parked my butt on the couch and refused to move. 

Childish, I know.  But I was clear out of ideas, and after 50 timeouts, I knew the point was mute. 

Onto this evening....................

I was thoroughly looking forward to a leisurely drive home.  One half an hour to myself with the music blaring and no one to yell at but the moron in front of me driving way too slow. 
THEN, it happened.  My van died.  I pull out onto the highway and as I pressed the gas nothing happened.   Transmission I yell into the phone as Dave answers.  Got a ride, pick up the kids, call a tow truck, see you at home.  That was how our conversation went.  More or less anyway as I just may have left some unladylike words out. 

And there you have it.  For some reason SHE knew that I needed a break.  The woman looking down upon me just knew.  BUT she must have left a note for her husband to take care of it which put me out on the side of the road for over an hour.  Some break I yell up.  I hope SHE has your balls on a platter for this! 

update:  The van is at the shop currently awaiting her mechanic.  And I am left at home anxious to hear how hard it's going to hit my pocketbook. 

Weekend Fun

I just have to say, for the record, I haven't looked forward to a Monday at work in a long time.  But after this weekend, I think the kids may have just driven me to insanity. 

With that said.......the hour we had the kids strapped to a pony was probably the most serene hour of the entire two days.  For your viewing pleasure, have a gander.................

Chachi wasn't too sure yet if her pony was the right fit or not.  Add to that a little jumpity jump jump from Pablo (the pony) and she was about to make a quick dismount.

Okay, we seem to be enjoying the ride slightly more.
Not Stink though.....he thought he could do it all by himself.....even told poor Buttercup to "walk a yittle fasser".
"Go over dat way Cup Cup." 

If I could have added a few Corona's it would have been a glorious hour.
How cute is that Buttercup, or Cup Cup as Stinky called him or Tea Cup according to Chachi.  I was so tempted to load him into the back of the van and take him home!

The End.  I'm heading for a tall bowl of ice cream.  I think I deserve it about now. 

Woot! Woot!

Don't have much time.....gotta get back to the television.  But wanted to say I'll be back.........just as soon as I watch our Phillies clinch another win.  Just one step closer to the parade!

BUT, I'll leave you with a little piece of video we took at the NL East Championship game.

What's His Name Again?

I was happily perusing my daily blog reads the other day when I happened upon THIS by my good blog friend GirlyMama.

And that's when I remembered.  The conversation.  One I had forgotten, or rather pushed from my memory....until it was brought back in all it's scary detail. 

Ring Ring Ring

"Hi Mom!  What's ya doing?"

"Not much.  You?"

"I was just yelling at a political commercial again by that Obama guy."

"Oh.  That's nice sweety." 

"Yea.  Who does this Obama Biden think he is anyway?"

"Um.  You mean BARACK Obama?"

"What?  Who is he?"

"THAT GUY YOU WERE YELLING AT! HIS NAME IS BARACK OBAMA!" 

"Oh.  Then who is Obama Biden?"

"JOE BIDEN!  HIS RUNNING MATE!"

"Oh.  Well then they really should change those bumper stickers to reflect that.  They all say Obama Biden on them.  How am I supposed to know." 

"Um, honey?  I think I'll let you go.  You really need to go get some reading done." 

"Oh. Yea.  Okay.  Bye." 

Click

Edited to add after reading Jessica's comment below....and believe me Jessica, I can see where it can be confusing....and I can't believe I am admitting this......but the person who was confused.....who this story is about......is me! 

Where did the trucker mouth come from?

I'm telling you.  These last couple weeks, shit has been flying out of these kid's freakin mouth like you wouldn't believe and I have no idea where they are picking it up from. 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.......I wonder. 

Anyway. 

Lets start with last weekend.....or maybe it was the week before......yea, the week before......last weekend I wouldn't have cared unless cough drops where flying out of their mouths. 

So two weekends ago, Chachi attended a birthday party for a little neighbor girl.  After an hour or so, the Mother of this little girl began talking about having cake.  She did mention it a few times, in Chachi's defense, and it did seem to take a good while for the cake to be presented.  You'll see why I am trying to justify this in a moment. 

SO, moving on........I was standing at the end of the hallway when I catch my sweet innocent little girl  running down the hall. 
And not just running down the hall, but yelling..........................................

"When are we going to eat this god damned cake!" 

Yup.  Trucker mouth.  Lucky for me, and her, nobody else seemed to notice.  Or maybe they were being polite and waiting for us to leave to "notice". 

BUT, it doesn't stop there.  Read on.

One morning this week I was playing with the radio in my car on our way to school.  I had finally got my stations where I liked them and happened to comment, "There!  I fixed the darn radio!" 

Innocent enough right.  I controlled my words.  I said darn when you know full well I wanted to say something else entirely. 

But road side assistance in the back seat had other ideas...........

"I fixed the DAMN radio!" 

What the crap!  I said darn, darn, darn.  It's darn, kid!  

AND, it doesn't stop there.  It seems the little one has picked up on some naughty words.  Or shall I say, just one naughty word.  And not even DAMN which I could ignore.  He picked the dirtiest of words.  The king of curses.  The almighty father in the English language. 
Here's how it went down.........

Stinky likes hockey.  Or any sport for that matter, except for maybe golf but who does.
So, he likes hockey.  And on this particular day he was looking for a piece of hockey equipment necessary to play the game........

"Daddy?  Where my hockey fuck?"

"WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!"  Then smoke came out of Dave's ears and he passed out cold. 

No, not really.  But I saw his face turn a brilliant shade of red when he tried to answer.....

"Your PUCK Stink?"  he said.
"Yea.  My fuck."
"No, you mean Ppppuuuuuuccccckkkkkk." as he tried to sound it out for him.
"Yea, hockey fuck."
"You mean.....oh forget it.  Call it a hockey ball."
"Okay.  Where my hockey ball?"

And with that Stink ran off. 

ONLY, to be relived in the car this afternoon. 

"Where my hockey fuck, Dad?" Stink asked. 
"Remember, it's hockey BALL!" Dave answered.
"Yea, Stink.  It's hockey slut." Chachi chimes in. 

Can anyone say the mis-pronunciation of certain letters can throw an entire word off. 

After my head stopped throbbing, caused by the many cuss words said by my small children, I mentioned to Chachi that she needed to choose her words wisely.  You know, try to avoid the bad ones or something. 
This is what I got.......................

"But Mommy, sometimes bad words just slip right out of my mouth." 

Yea kid.  They just slip right out like a slobber covered lollipop.  Who you kidding here. 

Guess what I got!

You see it!  You see it! 
Yup.....I finally got an iPod touch!  Isn't she a beauty!  And I'm in L.O.V.E.! 

Now I gotta go.  Have some apps to download!