STINKY JOHN JONES

Comparisons

Not much going on here.  Trucker mouth has been quiet, Stink is still......well......Stinky and construction is at a crawl. 
So I thought it would be fun to do baby pictures. 

Try and guess who is who, m'kay?  The winner gets a free juice since *head slap* I totally forgot to pick a winner! 

 

Our Very Own Ralphy!

I know.  Christmas is over, but it pertains to the story....really.

Check out this famous scene first. Story to immediately follow.

It's Monday.  And as we all know, Monday can suck.  But on this particular Monday, I was actually in a good mood. 
As I begin my evening commute home, I call Dave to find out who has the good fortune to pick up the kids.

"Hey!" I say all cheery.
"Hey." he mumbles.  My mood is immediately taken down a notch.
"Did you get the kids?"
"Uh-huh.  I'll talk to you about THAT when you get home." he yells. Only its more of a whisper yell.  Like, I know he is yelling, but he is trying not to raise his voice.
"Why?  What happened"  Now I'm worried, and he totally ruined my good mood.
"I said I will talk to you when you get home." he seethed, "I am so embarassed." 
"Just tell me now, that way I can scream all the way home and be done with it."
"Fine!" he grumbles, "Apparently SOMEONE decided today was the day she was going to try out a new word."

Uh-oh.  Ole potty mouth is at it again.

"Okay.  Okay.  I will talk to you about it when I get there." I told him.
"I am so glad you did the pick-up today!" then I quickly hung up to cover my giggles.

As I pulled into the driveway, he met me outside.

"So what happened?" I asked stepping out of the car.
"Well, as I walked into school tonight, Chachi's teacher pulled me aside.  She very calmly informed me that OUR daughter said the four letter F word.  For no reason, just said it.   She was talked to and warned that if it ever happened again, she would be in a lot of trouble."
"Shit.  Shit.  Double shit."
"Hey, watch your mouth.  This is what got us in the mess in the first place." he reminded me.
"Oh yea.  Like it's me 'Mr. I drive a big truck and talk like one'."
"Alright, we don't have time to play the blame game here, what are we gonna do about this?" he asked.
"Well, it has to be something memorable.  Something that will hit hard.  We need her to know that you may get off easy at school, but coming home is gonna be hell." 
"Aren't you being a little harsh?  She's 4!"
"Yea.  4 with a trucker mouth!"
"Okay, I'm in.  What do you have in mind?"
"I say, take her television away.  She covets that thing.  Follow my lead."

With Dave walking behind me, we calmly walked into the house. 

"Hi Mommy!  Hi Mommy!" she came squelling like nothing was amiss.
"Hi Chach." as I knelt down and made eye contact and said,  "I want you to go to your room and wait for Mommy and Daddy to talk to you.", in my best authorative voice.
"But, the teacher said I just get a warning." she quickly answered knowing exactly why we wanted to talk with her.
"That may be, but at home it's a different story."  

A few minutes later, we met her on the bed. 

"I just want you to know that Mommy and Daddy are very dissapointed in you." I began as she nodded her head.
"We cannot believe that you would chose such a naughty word.  And unfortunately you are going to have to suffer the consequences."
More nodding.
"Daddy is going to take you television away."
Crying begins as Dave jumps in.
"MOMMY AND DADDY are taking your television away." he says as he gives me the "why did you sell me out" look. 
"Yes.  Mommy and Daddy." I reiterate reluctantly. 
Full on sobbing now.
"If Ms. Teacher tells us she hasn't had any more problems with you, then you can get your television back." 

With Dave carrying the television and me following behind, Chachi began to yell, "Look at what you made me do!  All these tears!  Look at what you did to me!"
Oh, my potty mouth drama queen. 

Can you believe it!  She's 4!  And in Catholic school, which is even worse!  She just had to say THAT word.  It couldn't be shit, or hell or even damn it which is what she normally slips out with.  I mean, come on, it was just this summer when she asked the neighbor at a birthday party, "When are you going to serve that god damn cake".  Or how about last week when she told my Mom "to move her fat ass". 

Now we wait.  We wait and see if our punishment worked.  Because if it didn't, then we're screwed.  Oh, sorry, trying to clean up my language around here.  We are scrooged.  Yea, that's better, scrooged.

A Much Needed Pick-Me-Up

After the few weeks I've had, I was overjoyed to receive this baby! 

My fav blogger, Kellie from Confessions of an Organized Mess, passed this little beauty on.

Thanks so much Kellie!  I really needed this to jumpstart the ego!  I will put it over there -------->
once I get a free minute.  Maybe I can feed the kids dinner in front of the television and steal a few.

Now for the fun part.  Who to adorn? 

Of course, Rachel from Crumbs in my Couch.  That girl is all spunk and even went as far as making a Herbie the Lovebug cake for her die hard fan, Caleb! 

Stacie from Stacie's Madness.  She took the time to discover a new blog, ME, and I would love to reward her for that!  Thanks! 

Debbie from Suburb Sanity.  Just because she is awesome, and it helps that she cracks me up!  Check her out definitely!  

And finally, Lora.  If her Jakezilla is anything like Stink, she needs an award! 

Thanks so much Kellie! 

Hauntings of Construction

Just a few pics of our current construction status.........

Wonder if someone from beyond is trying to send us a message?

Oh, the lovely paneling.....isn't is b e u tiful.......

And what's construction without a giant hole in the ceiling....

What's that?  Someone has been living up there?

Stage demo.....complete....

Now, to put this ship back together.  Get it?  Port holes. 

Paneling gone, electrical done, maybe we will have a ceiling this week.  

Is it Spring Yet?

For some reason, I have the spring itch.  Obviously, it's the weather, but another part is my house.

After being couped up in here for nights on end I began to notice the little things.  Cobwebs, dust, dirty curtains and carpets.  Closets that need cleaning and straightening, furniture to be pulled out and vacuumed behind.  It is like an endless adventure, and today it begins. 

I have curtains in the wash, three bedrooms are done and now I am working into the major living areas.  Items are being sent to the purple heart, items that a certain nameless person *clears throat* Dave will never miss.  He is like a closet junk collector.  Not that I mean he doesn't want anyone to know in the closet, but literally, in the closet.  His side is like a reunion of his younger years.  Boxes piled high full of crap that gets pulled out once a year to clean behind.  Now, don't get me wrong, there are things in there that are very sentimental, but when he starts creeping over to my very small side something needs to be done.  My sweaters are screaming for space. 

So now, I must leave you.  I am heading back into the trenches that we call home.  And it will be clean.  If its the last thing I do.  Today, anyway, 'cause there is no way I am wasting my ENTIRE weekend on this crap. 

1 Forward, 3 Back

Is it just me, or do you feel this way too? 

And to all the Mom's with more than one child........do they play off each other?  Do they get together and say, "Hey, now its your turn to drive them nuts!"

Anyway, Chachi is a poor sleeper.  Since she was born, the child never slept.  Never.  As an infant, she had to sleep across my chest.  As a toddler, still in my bed.  Preschooler?  Still in my bed. 

BUT, the last couple months, we seemed to have broken that habit.  She goes to bed at 7:30pm, watches some of her movie, and is asleep.  Usually within 20 minutes or so. 

Finally, right? 

Wrong. 

Because my once beautiful sleeper, could and would sleep anywhere, drop him in his bed and he is asleep within a minute child is now refusing to go to bed! 

When do we catch a break?   Since Chachi was born, there has not been a night where we had our bed to ourselves.  Oh, I guess there was 1 or 2 nights in the last 4.5 years, but still.  THAT IS 2 OUT OF 1644 nights!  One Thousand Six Hundred and Forty-Two nights with either one or two kids in our bed!  Plus a dog! 

I am going a little nutty here people......a little nutty! 

Goldilocks and the 3 Snoring Bears

We have four people in our family.  A Mom (me), a Dad (Dave) and two children. 

We have three bedrooms.  Chachi's bedroom, Stink's bedroom and MY bedroom. 

We have a couch.  Dave's bedroom.  (well, that is usually where he passes out at 7pm anyway)

Now that we got that out of the way, you would think I would have a bed to sleep in. 

NOT!

Too soft.

Too firm.

Ah, just right.
Crap! What's that?!?!

Oh. No,no,no,no........not again!

Kid-isms

Last night's dinner was definitely one to remember. 

It started out with Stink not wanting to poop on the potty.  Apparently he would much rather poop in his underware then actually push it out into the toilet.  TMI? 
Anyway, from about 6pm until bedtime, we usually just let him hang out commando.  That way, we can get him to the potty in no time.  Although, this has backfired in the past as the child has left a German Shepherd sized turd on the play room floor.   Seriously, I looked around for a very large dog when I happened upon that.

Moving on. 

I noticed that Stink was kneeling on his chair while eating dinner.

"Stink, sit down on your bottom please." I asked.

No response.

"Stink, sit down on your bottom PLEASE." I said again.

No response. 

"Um, hon?" Dave whispered to me, "I think the chair is cold."

"What?" 

"The chair.  On his, uh, um,  bottom parts." 

It was then that I looked under the table and realized the reason why he wasn't sitting. 

"Well, if you would just poop on the potty you can have your pants back!" I informed Stink. 

No response.  He would rather kneel.

Not long after THAT, Chachi nonchalantly asked me what day tomorrow will be.  Innocent enough, right?

"When we go to bed and wake up, will tomorrow be Saturday?"

"Nope.  Tomorrow is Tuesday." I answered her.

"Yup.  You have almost an entire week until Saturday comes around again." Dave informed.

"Tomorrow is Tuesday?" she asked again.

"Yes, it will be Tuesday.  You have school tomorrow." I reiterated again.

"I have school tomorrow?  Oh shit!" 

And that is how dinner happens around here.  Thank God we never have company. 

Juice.....It Does a Body Good!

So, I stole that from Milk.....shoot me. 

Now, lets talk about juice. 

This may get slightly long-winded.....but its worth it at the end, believe me.  If you have kids like mine, they too will be dancing the jig when they receive their "special" little package.  So grab that glass of wine, or gin, and stay with me.  Go ahead.  It's noon somewhere.  

I want to tell you a little ditty of a story that happened a couple years ago.

Since Chachi was about 9 months old, she has been involved with a playgroup.  A group of six kids including her, three boys and three girls.  Over the years, the kids (and Parents), have gone off to do other things, but the playgroup was a constant.  We would get together about once a week and they had a ball. 

So when Jayden was just under a year, I decided he too needed his own group of friends.  Of course, he went along with Chachi but it still wasn't the same.  Anyway, a couple of the other Mom's had "seconds" too and thought the "baby" group would be a big hit.  After collecting a few others, we had our first playdate.  I guess there were about 6 or 8 infants all together as we all sat in my living room and began discussing "Mommy" things as the babies played on the floor.  Some were just rolling over, some crawling and others cruising along the furniture. 

What I am trying to get at here is a particular part of the conversation that struck me as a bit.....well........nuts. 

I gave Stink a sippy-cup.

And the room went silent. 

Like I had broken some sort of cardinal rule or something. 

"YOU let your son drink from a SIPPY-CUP?" Spock Mommy gasped as she held her infant.  And I mean infant.  Maybe 4-5 months old.  And her first, I might add, as that will be pertinant to my story.   You know the kind.  She has read just about every child rearing book out there which in turn has created an "expert".
"Uh-huh.  Why?" I said as Stink began to sip loudly with his cup turned up for all to see. 
"WELL, for starters, he won't ever learn to drink from a regular cup!  You are providing him with a crutch!  He might as well be drinking from a bottle!"
"What?" I said, dumbfounded as I though, is this lady crazy?!

And if that wasn't bad enough, here comes my 3 year old with a sippy-cup of her own.

"OH!     MY!    GOD!" Spock Mommy grunted as if she were about to faint, "HOW OLD IS SHE?!"
"Um.  Three." I answered.

It was then that I finally got a grip on the situation and thought........screw this and these crazy people.  There is no way a playgroup is that important that I have to listen to this crap. 
I sat up straighter and my mouth took off.

"Listen, lady.  My kid may be 3 and drinking from a sippy cup, but I can assure you, she can ALSO drink from a regular glass.  I just happen to COVET my floors." as my rant began to get louder because now I'm pissed.  Who is this lady to judge me when she hasn't gotten a clue. 
"I CAN'T WAIT for the day when your precious child is walking around with a GLASS!  And I can almost guarantee you will be a closet sippy-cup user.  Mark my words.  Whatever BOOK told you that crappy advise is the first book you should throw in the trash when you get home." 

At this point all eyes are on me, and as I looked around I realized why.  Almost every one of these women were nuts.  One never left the house since she couldn't figure out a way to leave her boob at home.  Another only had black and white toys since color caused too much stimulation.  And the gal to my left was already packing up, not because of me, but because it was getting too close to nap time and if Johnny wasn't in bed at exactly 11:25 am his schedule would be doomed forever. 

And here I am, the Mom who defies all baby book laws.  I might as well have been an alien as far as they were concerned.  Needless to say, the group began to disban after that day.  The "organics" developed their own little thing, and the rest of us "contraband" Moms were left in the dust. 

Now, back to juice.  See, I was trying to make a point.  Sippy-cups.  My kids have one glued to them at all times.  And although they drink Milk, they still prefer juice.  A lot of juice.  So when I was delivered Welch's AquaJuice in the mail to review from MomSelect, we hit the jackpot.
 

I grabbed the kids cups.  And yes, Chachi is 4.5 and STILL uses a sippy-cup.  Stink too.  They both CAN drink from a glass, and do at the table.  But each carry a sippy with them at all times.  When they are home that is.  Never know when you will run into Spock Mommy. 

I filled Chachi's first.  She took a sip. 

"Mommy?" she asked in that sweet little voice, "What kind of juice is this?"
"It's a new kind of Apple Juice." I told her.
"Well.  It's nasty!" she informed me with one hand on the hip and the other holding out the cup to me. 

Huh.  It doesn't contain sugar.  Well, not artificial sugar that is as I read the label.  And since she enjoys bouncing off the walls almost 24 hours a day, I was sure that was the reason.  She was pulling a power trip.  She knew Mommy was screwing with her sugar intake and was on the war path. 

Next was the Hubs.  He poured a glass.  Swirled it.  Smelled it.  And took a sip.

"It's not wine, you moron!" I yelled to him, "Just drink it!"
"Well.  It smells like Apple Cider.  Very appley.  It tastes alright, but I can tell it's not the juice the kids normally drink." as he opened the refridgerator and pointed to the sugary stuff.
"Of course it's not!  This is ACTUALLY HEALTHY!" as I pointed out that he wouldn't know what good juice was.  Now if it was beer, well, I'm just saying. 
"My only request?" he added, "Is for this to come in gallon size.  The kids will finish this bottle by noon."

My next victim was the Stink.  He drank.  And drank.  And drank.  He drained the cup. 

"Do you like it, Stink?" I questioned him.
"Yup!" he said, handed me his cup, and motioned for more. 

"You can't go by him!" the hubs piped out, "That kid would drink mud if it was in his cup!" 

Moving on.  I really don't care what they think.  Like they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.  But leave that horse out in a hot field for two days and see him gulp it down. 

And that's my motto.  We will have no more sugary juices in our house.  From now on.  They will certainly get used to the taste.  Or go thirsty.  The end. 

Now, its your turn!  I am going to give one lucky reader their very own bottle of Welch's AquaJuice.  And I expect a taste test.  Report back here with your findings.  For my very own amusement.   Just wanna see if my kids are the only ones addicted to sugar.  Stink will pick the winner Friday evening at 8pm EST.

Virus Free and Lovin' It!

Well......I have reached the other side.  Of operating systems that is.  And it's wonderful!

In one fell swoop, I have incinerated the Trojans and ditched Windows.  This computer is now running strictly Open Source software.....with a little Wine added in to allow for some Windows based program work-arounds, like my dearly beloved Photoshop and of course iTunes.

Now I'm about to upload my pictures and videos so we'll see what happens.   Of course, I'll let you know how it works out. 

Make sure you check back. 

Oh yea.  It seems as if I have an award waiting for me.  It shouldn't be too long before I get to that.  And a review too!  And maybe a giveaway!  Things are looking up here.  Except for that pesky frozen pipe this morning.  But, they are definitely looking up, as it didn't burst which could have been a whole helleva mess. 

TTFN.