STINKY JOHN JONES

Amusing

Usually, Friday nights around here are crash and burn.  As in, everyone is in bed before 8pm.....everyone. 
After a long week at school/work/daycare we can hardly keep our eyes open.

However, this week, crash and burn took place on Thursday night. 
See for yourself.....

 

Which brings us to Friday.....crazy hair day at school......

And that, folks, is all she wrote.

I know, I know.  We lead such a glamorous life.  When sleeping and bad hair makes the news, you know you hit the big time.

Tantrums and Tummy-Aches

That's exactly what the last few days have consisted of.  Cranky children, cranky Mommy.

I think I have finally licked the sickness, and about an hour ago I would have said Stink has too.
Except for the fact that he just informed me that his tummy hurt and is now camped out on the sofa. 
Throwing a tantrum over what cartoon he is going to watch.

Woot woot for me. 

Oh, oh...he just fell asleep!  His eyes flickered and his little head just fell to the side. 
Ah, how cute is he.  Sleeping. 
Lets pray he keeps dinner down tonight.  My new comforter will thank you. 

Now,  I will leave you with this little treat.
Monday, as we all know, I was sick.  As in, there is no way I can get in the car and drive you to school without holding my head out the window like a dog sick. 
So, what's a Mommy to do? 
Yup, call Daddy and beg him to come get her.
This is what I got.......

Have you ever seen a bucket truck in the preschool car line? Lucky for her, Daddy had the small truck.

Fall Out......

.....cont.....

Well, I guess Stink couldn't keep his germy germs to himself.

I spent most of Sunday and the better part of Monday in bed with him.  We jockeyed for the bathroom, and at times I had to push him out of my way. 
On a better note, we had great conversations, although it centered around the loss of bodily fluids, but still, good talks. 
This evening we seem to be able to see the light at the end of the long arduous tunnel of illness.  We kept our dinner down. 

Now, if only I could say the same thing for Dave.

"I don't feel so hot."  *running for the bathroom*

Fall Out

Seriously.  That is what we got here.  Fall out. 

Seems as if Stink picked up a stomach bug and it's horrible.  My washer and dryer have been running continuously for the last two days.  I have seen more bodily functions exiting then I ever wish to see again.  And the child cannot make it to the bathroom. 

"I puke in Mommy's bed!" is his new phrase. 

I actually threw away our comforter.  It was that bad. 

Uh-oh, gotta go, Stink is pointing to his mouth, and that is never good. 

Truth be told......

......I am avoiding chores. 
And not just, ho hum maybe I need to vacuum.  Real stuff.

Like, there is a bug on the kitchen window that resembles a beetle only with a soft shell and wings.  I have no idea what it is, but have been avoiding it like the plague.  I have walked into that room no less than 5 times and it is still in the same spot. 
I think I will ask hubby to shut the curtains and let him find it. 

I currently have a load of laundry in the dryer and one in the washer.  The dryer dinged about an hour ago.  I am pretending I didn't hear it. 

Currently, the pig is residing in the same room as my computer.  She keeps coming out of her little hut and giving me a little squeal.  I know she wants food.  Maybe if I don't look in her direction she will think I am deaf. 

And finally, the kitchen floor really needs to be cleaned.  Only, the bug is in there.  Which leads me back to the beginning. 
Life really is a vicious cycle. 

I think I'll just go to bed.  

The Kid Hanger

A comment in yesterday's post sparked my interest.....as in I was curled up on the floor hysterical.

And of course, it is way too good not to share in it's entirety.

   

Comment:

Aint nothin' like a little head popping under the stall to shut off your waterworks!

I saw someone, somewhere giving away one of those things where you can hang your kid on a stall door. Seriously!! But I can't remember who had it. Me, I just carry duct tape. LOL

Second part.....

I found that thingy.. It's called a Babykeeper. Even if you don't want to buy one, you should look at the site. The picture of the kid hanging on the wall is hilarious. He looks like he's having a good ol' time.

Check this out!  

How totally freakin' hysterical is that! 
I am totally getting one. 
Kids getting annoying?  Hang them up!   Bwahahahahaha.

Thanks so much my new best send me a good laugh bloggy friend Christina! 
For more laughs, go check her out at Coke on my Keyboard. 

Restaurants and Children

Like oil and water. 

Am I right? 

Let's break this down.  And, of course, I totally want your opinions and experiences on this one.  For my own sanity and well-being. 

Chachi is fabulous, for the most part, when we are out to eat.  She can occupy herself fairly well.

Stink, however, is a different story. 
Here are a few examples......

We have been to establishments with glass partitions between booths.  I know, booths.  Nothing fancy happening around here.  Anyway, the glass allows clear view of the person(s) sitting directly behind or in front of us. 
Now, imagine this.  A small impish type child tapping incessantly on the glass while screaming, "Hey Dude!  Come on dude!" over and over and over again. 

Another lesson learned while out is this child's love for bbq ribs.  At one outing, he gnawed on a bone until it was picked clean, then flung it on the dish as the waitress was clearing it.
Ting ting went the bone.  The poor woman had a total look of horror. 
And this was the same night as the bathroom fiasco.  I am sure you can imagine how much fun THAT dinner was.

And who can forget the lovely spaghetti dinner at Chachi's school. 
Parents of a classmate wondered over and we began to conversate.  Like humans, I know, but still....when we are out, this doesn't happen often.  People tend to avoid us.
Anyway, you can totally tell these people have no idea, as they sit down across from us.  Virgins.
And to top it off, they are both doctors.  So prim and proper doesn't even begin to describe them.  I mean, they have never been to Chuck E Cheese. 
Everything is going fine, we are chatting it up and I was actually enjoying myself when suddenly the father pipes up, "Um?  Your son is licking ice off the floor." 
I turn to look.
Yes, indeed, he is. 
"Oh, that?" I say, "It's not the worst thing I've seen him do." 

So, tell me, how do you fair in this department?  Can you enjoy a dinner out? 
Because we haven't figured this thing out yet.  Our best idea is to get a sitter.  Then hiss and whisper at all the suckers eating out with their kids.  Although, it gets expensive.  And we can only use a sitter once.  They learn quick.

Open Letter......

......to the woman in the Ladies room at the popular chain restaurant, TGI* (you know the one).
It was Sunday night.  I was the one with three small children, one in each available stall. 
You walked in, entered the empty stall to my left. 
I was pre-occupied buttoning and wiping the other two.
You, minding and I guess taking care of, your own business.
I looked to my left.
You looked down.
We both were in shock. 
I pulled the boy away.
You came out of the stall.
I pretended I was busy just to avoid eye contact.
You washed your hands and left.
While I cowered in the corner. 

Dear Lady in the Women's bathroom, I would like to sincerely apologize.  He didn't know any better.  But, rest assured, he does now.  The child will no longer be peering at unsuspecting women under bathroom stall doors.
How do I know this? 
Because we will now be utilizing those child restraints they have inside the stalls.  You know.  The ones where you strap your toddler to the wall to avoid situations like these. 
Valuable lesson learned here.

Detour

We all know my kids are crazy.  Like bouncing off the walls, ate a tub of sugar nuts. 

Now that that is out of the way, you can probably guess what mornings are like here.  We have one hour, although we would have more if I actually rose from bed on time, to get ourselves fed, dressed and ready to walk out that door. 

Lately, I have been gaining extra time by showering in the evening, but on that particular morning's eve I was just too damn tired to drag my lagging butt into the bathroom.

So, it's morning, the alarm goes off, and my trusty little steed Stink hits the snooze for me as he does every morning. (Thats right.  As soon as he knew what  buttons were I showed him how to press that one)  About 7 minutes later, because I have the snooze timed, I flopped out of bed and into the shower, with Stink following. 

"Mommy, I peed!" he said with such pride just as I suds-up my hair.
"That's great honey!" I mumbled through the shower stream.
"No Mommy, Look!" 
"In a minute, Stink.  I have soap in my hair.

RIP.  The shower curtain opens.

"No Stink!  Shut that!  Water is getting everywhere!" 


I finished up, quickly and without conditioner, and dried off.

"Look at my pee Mommy!" he said again, only this time pointing.  AT THE FLOOR. 

"STINKY!  FOR THE LAST TIME, PEE GOES IN THE TOILET!" 



As I exited the bathroom with the pee pee towel and headed for the washer, I passed by Chachi frantically waving in the living room.

"Get out of there!" she was yelling at nothing in particular, "Mommy will be mad!" 

Do I want to know, do I want to know.  I don't want to know, I thought as I quickly ran back to my room. 

"Mommy?" she called.  Ignore.  Ignore.  Ignore. 
"Mommy?" she called again.  Shut the door.  Quick.  And be quiet, maybe she won't find me.
"Mommy!" she screamed. 

Damn it. 

"What Chachi?" I said sweetly as if my tone will change the situation.
"The pig is stuck." she answered matter-of-factly.
"Stuck where?" I asked.
"Come see!" 

Just a little tip here before we continue.  When a child says 'come see', it is NEVER good.  Believe me. 

I throw some clothes on, because up to this point I am wandering around in a washcloth since I used my towel to mop up pee pee, and I meet Chachi in the living room. 

"See!" she points.  This pointing thing.  Really?
"What?" I ask looking around.
"There!" she points again, under the entertainment cabinet.
I get on my knees and peer under.

Yup!  The pig! 

"Well get her out.  NOW!  We have two minutes before we have to leave!" 
"I can't.  She's stuck!"  as she jumps up and down like the thing will die of starvation.  Which I know is entirely not true as there was a small army of cheerios under there.  Mental note, vacuum UNDER things.

I stick my hand under.  Can't reach.  I look around for some sort of long prodding tool.  Aha.  A colored pencil.

So picture this.  Me, on my hand and knees, straining to see a pig under a large piece of furniture, prodding her like cattle with a pencil.  And I swear, the thing laughed at me.  Literally laughed.  Well, I guess it could have been a snort, but still.  It was laughing. 


Ring Ring goes the phone.
"Uh-huh" he answers.  So sweet in the morning, huh.
"Hi.  The pig is stuck under the blah blah blah and I can't get her out of the blah blah blah."  *insert cuss at each blah*
"What blah blah blah?!?"   *again, insert*
"The pig is stuck and I can't move the stupid blah blah blah!" I screamed louder.
"Just leave the blah blah pig!" he yelled back, "No.  Forget that.  The thing will blah blah blah all over the floor!  I'll be there in a minute!" 



Screech  Screech.  Who knew a huge crane truck could come to a stop that quickly, I thought as I caught a glimpse of Dave from the window.
 

"Daddy!" Stink exclaimed as he grabbed a hold of his leg like a monkey.
"Chachi!" he called waddling towards the living room, "Where is this pig!" 
"Right there Daddy!" she pointed.  Again, with the fingers. 

It's moments like these that anger is a good thing, because he lifted that unit up with one hand and pointing to Chachi with the other to get her blah blah pig and put it in it's blah blah cage where it should have been in the blah blah first place, all while maneuvering with Stink stuck to his leg.

I never saw the kid move that fast.  


"Good bye." I got as he walked out the door shutting it rather loudly I might add.

"Get your coats, we are leaving!" I called in my sing songy voice.  I believe mornings set the tone for the rest of the day.  Maybe if we sing "A spoon full of sugar" Mary freakin' Poppins will come.

And THAT, my bloggy friends, is how mornings happen around here. 

Proud

That is what I am feeling right now.

My heart is swelling with what only a Mommy can feel.  All the sweat and tears I have put in to raise my children to be fine young citizens.  The work, the sacrifice, the willing to give until there is nothing more.  And then, that moment, when the end result is right in front of you.  Your work has paid off.  That tiny piece of time that you swell with pride.

I can't wait until THAT happens.

Anyway.........

Chachi came home from school today with her FIRST delinquent library notice.  I am so proud! 
Apparently, we have seemed to misplace a book.  One that I am sure is here amidst the pile of rubbage that has taken over since construction began.  I think I will take a picture and send it to school with a note.
"See THAT?  I am sure your book is somewhere in THERE.  Please be patient as I will locate it during the first thaw." 

And one would be lost without the other.........

Stink has a new phrase.  Oh, how special he makes me feel when he runs past me screaming,
"You're mean big fat head!" 

And how about the neighbors watching him pee in the sandbox today.  That was a real treat.

Could it get any better than this?