STINKY JOHN JONES

Check it out!

See the new link in the navigation bar?  You may have to click over from your reader first. 

Anyway, there is a new link labeled  STINKY LIVIN'.

Click it and find out what's been happening around here! 

*the blog is in it's primitive stages and hasn't been mapped yet, so stay with me here.*

edited to add:  Mapping done!  You can now visit www.stinkylivin.com!

*o.k. Maybe not.  Something went wrong and no time to figure it out.  Once again, stick with me here!*

Patience

Right about now, I have none.

But, I have heard that this is one of the best parenting tools you can have.

Although I ran that guy over with my van full of screaming children, but still, I guess he COULD have be right. 

Patience. 

See, I am of the belief that when a child sees that your scared tired, they act up.  They can smell the fear see that you are not at 100% thus can get away with more. 

If you are giving baths.  And they are throwing water.  Screaming is only going to make it worse.  You are raising the noise lever which in turn covers the effect. 
Now, that same situation, if you throw it back at them not only do you gain satisfaction but you also join in the fun.  And fun Mommies are the best Mommies. 

Or cooking dinner.  If your child is standing there begging for a snack and you snap back at them, "NO!" they will just begin to beg louder.
Now, if you take that snack and put it in the dog's bowl, and they eat it, then you know they really were hungry and not bugging you out of pure enjoyment. 

And finally, messes.  You can scream and holler all day until you are blue in the face and Child Protective Services are at your door, but they will still not clean it up. 
Now, if you take that mess and throw it in the trash, that scenario can never happen again.
Better yet, guzzle a bottle of wine and that same mess turns into a blur.

*Disclaimer.....I am not claiming to be a parenting guru.  I am no Super Nanny.  I can't make kids behave in 43 minutes, not including commercials.  If you believe any of the above, you are crazier then a loon and don't really care about your parenting style and probably skipped over this post to read some trash at the online Star magazine site.  'Nuff said.*

Accent....and not the Hyundai variety

I had to make a phone call today, to someone in Nashville. 
Sadly, I have no idea what they were saying because I was too enthralled with their accent.

Which led me to start thinking, leading me to ignore them completely because once the brain starts-a-turning nothing can stop it. 

Why do people have accents?  Why is it that certain areas have certain accents?  And where did they come from?  

Now, before you go ahead and start Googling this, think about it and try to answer. 

My idea is that, let's take for example, the United States.  We won't get into other countries so to keep this on a smaller scale. 
The United States. 
You have the South. 
Southerners have an accent.  A drawl if you will.  Their manners are impeccable too.  But why? 
How about the North now.
Northerners have an accent too, but more of a mobster I will stab you in your sleep type of thing. 
And we can't forget our friends to the far north who can't pronounce 'car' for the life of them. 
And finally, the Texans.  Because everything is bigger in Texas, including their twang. 
Why? 

My answer.......

Because each area had a Britney Spears as a founding father.
Some crack-a-doodle decided that he was going to start talking like a nut and everyone who came after him followed. 
And I will take that answer to the grave. 

So, what do you think? 
I would love to collect them for their own post.  And compare them to what Google has to say. 
However, Google is not God.  So if I like your answer better, than that's the one I am teaching the kids.  Who said you can't screw them up? 

Circus Time!

Check this out ladies! 

If you are in the Philadelphia area, come join us at the circus.
I know, I know....we live in a circus.  At least I do.  But still.  Won't it be nice to see an actual clown juggling instead of me balancing dishes on my head while chasing Stink away from the chocolate containing cabinet! 

By the way....have you ever seen that kid on chocolate?

Anyway, use the discount code!  Save that dough for new shoes.  Or a sitter. 

Feel free to pass on the code to friends.  The more the merrier.  Just don't take my parking spot! 

Kid-isms

I love this topic.  Kids say the darnedest things.  *remember that tv show?*

So here are a couple doozies we heard around here lately......

Scene:  Dinner time.  For once, everyone is eating quietly.  Even Stink, which is a feat in itself.

Suddenly, Chachi pipes up....

"Daddy?"
"Yes, Chachi?" he answered. 
"I want you to start saving your money for a horse." 
I drop my fork and cover my mouth to stifle a laugh.
"Huh." he said quietly as he turned towards her, "Have you ever thought about getting a job?" 

Scene:  We were at a friends' house who happen to have a VERY large Great Dane. 

"Excuse me, Tina?" Chachi said as she turned away from the dog, "Can I have two leashes?"
"Oh, honey." she answered, "I'm afraid you won't be able to walk him."
It was then that I saw the look on Chachi's face. 
"No, Tina." I whispered, "I'm afraid she wants to RIDE him."
"Oh.  Um.  Okay.  You do know he's a dog, right?" 

Scene:  Stink falls off the kitchen chair.  He is wailing on the floor.

"Let me see, Stink." I said as I ran to pick him up, "Where does it hurt?"
"My arm!  My arm!" he cries. 
"Where?  Here?" I ask as I lift him up and inspect his arm.
He whines rubbing his tear filled eyes.
Just as I am getting a good look he suddenly screams ........

"Ah hah!"

That little booger was faking me out! 

Soccer 101

Remember that talk we had about T-Ball?  If not, go check it out. 
You'll need it to understand what I am about to say.......

Well.....soccer is not much better. 

Sunday was her first game. 
And for this age, they practice for a half hour and play for a half hour.  Against each other.  No score.  And apparently no positions, because where ever the ball is a giant huddle of little people are following behind. 

Now, picture this.  Eight kids on the field.  Four on each team.  The coach throws the ball in.  Seven kids run after it in a huddle. 

Where is the eighth child? 

She is the one who is skipping around on the complete opposite side of field from where the ball is. 

"Chachi!  Get the ball!" you may hear as a woman screams from the stands.
She waves.  And skips, smiling. 

At one point, she was skipping on the field next door, where A totally different game was taking place.  Imagine the shock on those kids faces. 

"Please Dave.  Go down there and explain to her how to play." I begged.
He refused.  Maybe he was trying to impress the very large woman wearing the very small, inappropriate dress.  Who knows. 

Finally, the whistle blows signaling the end of the game. 
It couldn't have come soon enough.

As we ran as fast as hell walked to the car , I nonchalantly asked her if she had fun while congratulating her on a game well played.  *positive reinforcement here, people!*

"Uh-huh. Soccer's fun!"   

I guess that's all that counts.  Right?  

Fun in the Sun

Another beautiful Saturday here in Stinkville that we took full advantage of. 
T-Ball game in the morning and laziness in the sun for the remainder. 
What a way to spend the day :)

If you look over ------------------------------------> in each picture......that is where Stink was. 
He had a tummy ache for most of the day and needed more than a little coaxing to be seen on camera.
Fortunately, that ache left him early Sunday morning via the sewer system.

Hope you had a great one too!

Interview of a Mommy by Stinky

Remember this?   Chachi's interview?  Well, it only took a good month for Stink's turn. 
Enjoy!  And remember....he's only two so some answers....well....you'll see. 

1. What is something mom always says to you?  I'm on the 'puter! 
Um, ah, well....no comment. 

2. What makes mom happy?  *he laughs*

3. What makes mom sad? Um, I wanna monster truck

4 How does your mom make you laugh?  You laugh  *pointing to my lips*

5. What did your mom like to do when she was a child?  Go on monster trucks

6. How old is your mom? 2

7. How tall is your mom?  *he showed me his hand*

8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV?  Monster trucks

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?  Juicy

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? I dunno  *as he shrugs*

11. What is your mom really good at? outside

12. What is your mom not very good at?  outside
not enough practice?

13. What does your mom do for her job?  get bubblegum

14. What is your mom's favorite food?  Eat

15. What makes you proud of your mom?  Eat

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?  A monster truck

17. What do you and your mom do together? Spiderman        Again, no comment.

18. How are you and your mom the same?  We are teddy bears

19. How are you and your mom different? Cars

20. How do you know your mom loves you?  *He hugged me*

 

Neglect

Whoever came up with "Have your cake and eat it too" was a freakin' moron......or a man....take your pick. 
Because when I have a free moment in the evening, I need to pick what is most important to accomplish. 
Blog?  Or finish preschool project for child?  Read blogs?  Or bathe the children? 
And one can not very well send their child to Pre-K with either 'the dog ate my homework' excuse or smelly. 
Hence, blog sits on the back-burner. 

Which led me to ponder........

Husbands. 

They seem to never have to pick.  Honey, I'm tired.  And off to bed he goes.  No worries.  Wifey will take care of the children, dinner dishes, laundry, cleaning, and the million other tasks that need to be completed.  You just go get your rest dear.  NOT! 
When do I get to hit the sack early?  When it does happen, once a year and usually when I either have a terrible migraine where I can't see straight or the flu, it's never peaceful. 
Honey?  Where are the kids pajamas?  Honey?  We don't have any clean towels?  Honey?  Where is the dryer? 

And another thing, while I'm on the subject......

Does it take YOUR husband FOREVER to fix things?

Take, for example, the light in our laundry room.  For TWO YEARS I actually had to pull over a stool and twist the freakin' lightbulb because the chain broke.  TWO YEARS!  And it wouldn't have gotten fixed had it not undergone a complete remodel. 

Or the outside lights.  They sat on the porch for 4 months, in the winter when it was dark at 4pm and I actually had to carry a flashlight to open the front door.  Until I threw a fit one day that he either hang them or live in his car. 

Or, or, cable hook-up in the new playroom.  The cable is run in the walls and even has outlets.  HOWEVER, it is not connected in the box.  Wonder how long that will take?  Although, I have been threatening to call the cable company, so it may happen sooner than you think. 

Even better.  One of the kid's bikes.  The handlebars have been crooked since last summer.  I even made him watch the child trying to steer the wobbly thing that inevitable ended up veering into the grass and tossing said child off.   He tightened it.  With his hands. 
Needless to say, the bike is still crooked as hell.  You should have seen the neighbor kid riding it which provided me a good laugh.  Which is why I am not harping on him to fix it right. 

How about you?  Have the same problems in your house?  Do you have to twist a lightbulb to see? 

*I need to add a defense....because my In-laws read this. (Hi!)  He does work very hard, and often late.  And he does spend most of his weekend time with the kids.  So I kinda understand.  Sorta.  Kinda.  Maybe*

Bye Bye Binky :)

Well....it's gone.  Outta here.   No more 'can't see his face because the bink is in the way' pictures.
And to think, it only took a good two years to accomplish. 

How did you do it, you ask? 

Easy.

He lost it. 

The last one. 

Nap time and bink is nowhere to be found. 
After settling him down, I told him I would look for it. 
And I did.  I searched high and low and it was gone. 
By the time I got back to break the news, he was asleep. 
Without the bink. 
Phew. 

About an hour later...
I was cleaning around the guinea pig cage and moved a chair aside. 
And there it was.  Sitting pretty.  Shiny even. 

So I did what any other Mother would do at that time.  I gave it to him tucked it into my coat pocket. 
*Evil, evil, evil.  You are evil, I thought to myself*

About an hour after that......

Stink is awake.  He wanders out into the kitchen and while still rubbing his eyes, asks for his bink.
"Stink." I said as I bent down to his level, "You lost bink.  Mommy can't find it.  It's gone."
*Liar!  Liar!*

And that is when the world's largest tantrum began.  Rolling around the floor.  Kicking.  Screaming.  Moving from one room to another.  Yelling for bink.  Snot and tears are mixed together and streaming down his face. 
*Don't give in.  Don't.  Look away.  Look away!* 

Light bulb! 
"Stinky?  Would you like to play outside?" I asked. 

And as quickly as the tantrum started, it was over.

"Yeah!  Yeah!" he screamed jumping up and down in glee. 

From that moment on, we have been bink free. 
Hallelujah!