You know you're a Mom when.....

It's Friday night and you find yourself cleaning out the medicine cabinet in the bathroom with lots of enthusiasm. 
And during that clean out, you get uber excited to find that body firming lotion you've been missing. 

When getting dressed in the morning, you're hard pressed to find something that doesn't have a spaghetti stain.
Or better yet, no clean jeans and your half tempted to just wear the left-over maternity pair with a belt. 

You open the sliding door of the mini van and have to hold back leftover snack wrappers from flying out into the parking lot. 
Better yet,  when you reach across to unbuckle a kid, your shirt becomes glued to the seat by leftover juice spills. 

When the windows of the car, or house for that matter, become foggy and you are met by strange drawings and tiny hand prints.  Who needs to decorate for Halloween....just blow on the windows and anyone would be scared. 

It doesn't gross you out to pick a boogie straight out of a child's nose with your bare fingers.  Then look around and wipe it on your pants. 

Poop is no longer private.  At least three times a day you are called into the bathroom to inspect it and discuss what you think made it green or why it's so large. 

Rolling over in the middle of the night and finding a puddle in your bed no longer upsets you.  It happens so often you have become an expert at stripping and making the bed in the middle of the night without waking the others still in it. 

And yes, I said others.  Because "Party like it's 1999" was the last time you slept alone.

You can guide a child to the bathroom, in the middle of the night,  lift the seat, and have said child puke directly into the toilet, without a mess, in the complete dark.  No lights needed.

And finally, when you can type, read school papers, make dinner, help with homework, give a child a bath, do a load of laundry, cook dinner, drive a child to t-ball practice, help hubby install sheet-rock, work, clean and bathe the dog all at the same freaking time. 

You know you're a Mom when........(insert yours here!) 

Comments

[Deanna]

Okay, how come it's only women who can cook, clean, type, grade papers, take care of the dog, AND install drywall without batting an eye????

Val, you had me doubled over at my desk laughing! My husband looks in our vehicle and just shakes his head and I'm like "WHAT?!"

You know you're a mom when you're last google searched involved the words "crayon" "toddler" and "poop".

[Rachel]

When you get to go grocery shopping by yourself and you drive real slow and pretend it's a vacation even though by the time you take the 15 minute long way to the store, your cell phone has already rung three times. First, the kids are hungry, and your husband doesn't know what to do in this situation. Then he wants to know if the neighbors object to naked kids outside. Or if you do. Lastly he also needs to know where the phone book is. So he can call the plumber. Because he heard the toilet flush followed by the words "Uh Oh." Where was he during all this? Playing video games. That's okay you didn't really like that watch anyway did you?

[jerseygirl89]

You know you're a Mom when being up at 4am does not ever involve tequila, dancing or sex.

[karen]

You know you're a Mom when you can be sound asleep and instantly awake by the sound of the front door when your teenager comes home.