I used to be a SAHM.....that's "stay at home Mom" for anyone who hasn't seen the acronym before. I know its hard to fathom, what with my head exploding, lack of patience self, but once....that's right....I stayed home. During that time I had joined a playgroup. Mostly for my child, but really for my sanity. There is nothing like the isolation of a first time Mom, especially when you are sleep deprived, to send you over the edge. J Girl was about 5 or 6 months when we began, and whats great is that our little group has been going strong ever since. Even after a few of us have gone back to work. We are there for each other, getting each other through those tough parenting times when you lock yourself in the bathroom and begin to tear your hair out.
That being said, I wanted that same close-knit group of friends for J Boy. Sure he tagged along with us, but it still wasn't the same. So a few of us got together and formed another group, a baby group if you will. The seconds. At the time, it sounded like a great idea. I thought this group would be better. More adult conversation, more seasoned Moms. Moms who could relax and let the kids play as we sipped wine and told nasty jokes while the kids played in the other room.
Boy, was I wrong. What ended up happening was just another group of first timers....with a couple seconds thrown in. Some didn't like the fact that our older children would be attending. Some thought they had all the answers and our get-togethers would become a "sermon" of the best baby products to use, breast is best and formula sucks, even going as far to say working Moms were totally disconnected. Please. Working Moms are connected. Connected to the fact that not only do we do what you do, we do it until midnight to catch up.
What really got my goad one day was the fact that they didn't enjoy looking at my son wearing pink. I mean, come on, he's the second....haven't they ever heard of hand-me-downs? (Really, that didn't happen....just wanted to see if you were still awake and with me!)
Anyway, there was one gathering in particular that sticks out like a sore thumb, or head, but we will get to that. One warm weekday afternoon, I had offered my home for the Moms and children to swim. I had thought that at least I wouldn't have to listen to more crap getting shoved down my throat if I was underwater. So, we gathered. And at first it was going, well, swimmingly. If someone began to "talk" I would sneak off to the deep end and practice holding my breath. At one point, I must have been out of the pool....my fault....and a Mother asked me for some aspirin. She had a headache....most likely from listening to her child scream since she was all about letting him get his emotions out. Have you not heard of a pacifier, or maybe a toy....oh no....he needed to learn to self soothe.....ahhhhhh.
So I asked this particular Mother to keep an eye on my son while I ran in. He was just a year at the time and in that first steps stage. Not quite walking, but yet fast enough to run, ya know. So I headed into the house. After rummaging around for Motrin because Tylenol won't do a thing according to her, I came back out to an uproar. The Mother was screaming, other Mothers were screaming, and even more Mothers were frantically gathering the first Mothers belongings.
"Um, where is my son?" I asked, hint hint....the freaking pool you idiot.
"Over there!" as she pointed to him like he was the devil trying to steal her son's soul.
"Okay.....what is going on?" as I pick J Boy up in my arms.
"HE," pointing again with that long witch finger of hers, "just BIT my SON!"
"Well, is he okay?" I'm telling you, I had to drag any kind of information out of this woman as she just stood there dumb-founded.
"NO HE IS NOT OKAY! YOUR SON BIT HIM!" she screamed at me.
"I'm sorry that you are so upset, but he is just a year and I did ask YOU to watch him." I spat back.
Now I am pissed...not just angry....but that Mother bear I could eat you in my own backyard pissed.
As she put her bag together I heard her speak to another woman about animals, and how could someone ALLOW her child to bite. I think it was about here that things took a turn for the worse.
"Kids BITE!" I informed her. "Your kid will BITE too, believe me! All the gymboree classes won't help that!" as I showed her to the door. "Again, I apologize for his actions, but I think it was really unnecessary for you to talk to me that way in my home."
"This is ridiculous!" she yelled as she walked to her car. "I am calling the doctor as soon as we get in the car!"
"Make sure you tell them he had his rabies shot!" I yelled back.
Well, I thought of that later......what I really did was just slam the door.
Good riddance. That was our last playdate with THAT group. Last I heard they fell apart. They could never get a good time or day going because someone was always reading some stupid book claiming strange things....like children should only be stimulated in the morning, or the afternoon....or maybe we should schedule a playtime for midnight....that way they get used to the dark. Who knows....they were all nuts.
The lesson here? You can't pick your kids friends. Well, you can......but their parents could very well suck.
