STINKY JOHN JONES

ARK

Have you seen the movie Evan Almighty yet?  Anyway, I am sure you have.  It's not a new release, although it is fairly new I guess.  If you haven't, rent it.  It's really good, and for the whole family which we strive to find.  There are parts that I could pee my pants during, and if I had to rate this one on a scale from 1-5, I would rate it a 4 pee-er. 

So, during the movie you find that ARK (as the story of Noah is the premise) stands for A Random act of Kindness.  What's funny is, we brought this movie along with us to the beach for the kids to enjoy so it was fresh in our minds.  Okay, I am getting a little ahead of myself here, so this is how the story unfolds........

We left the shore late Monday evening.  Well, not LATE, but LATER then we planned.  We had decided to spend the full day at the beach, stay for dinner, then get on the road.  It was about 7pm when we left.  After about an hour on the road we notice that we will have to stop and get gas at some point.  Gas is less expensive in Jersey, so for sure before we head over the bridge.  Big Daddy was pushing for a station in Cherry Hill since we passed it on the way down and saw gas was by far the cheapest there.  Only, as we drove on the meter told us otherwise.  We wouldn't make it that far.  As we neared a ramp we waffled back and forth on whether or not we should stop and finally Big Daddy made the exit.  The gas station was right off the ramp to the right.  We pulled up to the pump as the attendant met us. 
"Fill it up with regular, and do you have a bathroom?" Big Daddy asked.
"Sure, right side of the building." as the attendant passed a key on a 2X4.  Well, maybe not THAT big, but big enough to have to LUG to the door. 

A few minutes later Big Daddy walks back to the car and overhears a conversation the attendant is having with a guy who pulled in behind us.  He was asking how to get to a particular place and the attendant was having a hard time understanding as this guys southern drawl was really prominent. 

"Valley Forge Rd?" I heard the attendant say, "You're in New Jersey man." as he walked away and began filling up another patron.

I watch all this unfold as Big Daddy enters the conversation.  After a minute or so, the guy hands Big Daddy a cell phone.  I see him nodding, poke his head into the truck and then finally hand the phone back to the driver.  A couple minutes later, Big Daddy hops back into our car and begins to relay what happened as we pull out of the station.

"They are from Arkansas.  Been driving for two days.  Following us home." is all I got. 
"What, Who?" I ask, fearful that he just invited some strangers from the deep south for a night cap.
"The guy and girl in the truck following us." he says pointing into the rear-view mirror.

I turn around and sure enough a truck is following us.  At this point, Big Daddy must have seen the horror in my eyes as he once again tried to relay the story, in it's entirety this time. 

It seems as if they had been driving for two days straight.  Young guy and girl in their early twenties, heading up our way.  Apparently the guy got a job with a fellow Arkansas buddy who made the trip north not long ago.  They were lost.  Happened to take the wrong ramp in Wilmington, De and ended up in Jersey.  They asked Big Daddy if he knew how to get to a particular road in Pa.  He said, of course.  We live about 2 miles down from there.  The guy asks how far, he only has a half tank of gas left.  Big Daddy looks at the gauge and says he would be golden.  Maybe another 20 minutes or so. 
The girl pipes in......any tolls? 
$2.00 Big Daddy tells her, to cross the bridge.  She digs into her purse.  They have $2.00 left. 
He gives them his cell number, tells them to call him after we cross the bridge.

As we drive I begin to think up scenarios of why they are so far from home.  Bank robbery, serial murderers.  Crazy things are going through my mind. 

The phone rings, we just crossed the bridge.  Big Daddy tells the guy that we are close.  We will be turning right and he should turn left.  His travel is complete. 

"What's your name bud, I never caught it?" Big Daddy asks.
"It's Gregory (something or other since his drawl is really bad)."
"Nice to meet you, Gregory."
"I can't thank you enough, man." he says, "And thanks for paying that toll back there.  I much appreciate it.  I really can't thank you enough." 
"No problem.  When you get settled, give me a call.  You owe me a beer."
"For sure, for sure." as we watch him make his turn towards what we can only hope is a new beginning.

By the way.  From what we can tell.  They were just a young couple looking for something better.  Down and out at the moment, but hoping for the American dream.

Aren't we all, Arkansas, aren't we all. 

Didn't we just leave?

I'm telling you, days are always shorter when you are on vacation. 

Here is our trip in pictures.....I'm way too tired to "talk".  Catch you tomorrow.

Here that? THAT my friends is the sweet sound of the Ocean!

Ahhhhh, the Ocean.  The sound of waves, holding sea shells to your ears, eating ice cream on the boardwalk, maybe play a few games of Skee Ball.   Feeling the sand squishing between your toes as you mush them further down to cool off.   Watching your kids play with the foam made by the waves crashing against the sand. 

What a wonderful way to spend family time.  That being said, if you need to get in touch with me this weekend, send an air banner somewhere over the Atlantic.  That's the only way, my bloggy friends, as I am turning off the cell phones and have zero access to the internet.  Well, maybe just a sneak peek now and again.  But THATS it, you hear me.   Vacation is vacation. 

Okay....now that Big Daddy is gone....here's the real deal.  I will be checking in periodically.  Maybe I'll get lucky and grab a signal from some moron who is too dumb to lock their wireless connection.  Or better yet, an internet cafe.  Yea.  That's it!  I'm sneaking the laptop in my overnight bag as we speak.  Don't worry, I'll just tell him it's hair equipment.  Or tampons.  He'll never question, or even look, at that.

Back to Reality

It's Monday....and when I woke up this morning, I was none to happy that I couldn't lounge around on the deck in my pj's until noon.  Back to work, back to the grind. 

We had a good weekend....alls well.  Seems as if the sickness has left the building which I am extremely grateful for.  Other than that, not much to tell.  Just a relaxing time for sure.  So I leave you with a kid moment that really got a rise this weekend.

On Saturday, we ran down to the grocery store to pick up a few things.  BEFORE we even went in, Big Daddy went over the rules.  No running, pushing, crying, complaining, no taking things off the shelf, you will stay right with us, J Boy you will sit in the cart and for the finale......you will BEHAVE!

"Okay, Daddy!" J Girl piped in as she jumped out of the van, "I'm being-have right?"

Of course....here is a shot of the infamous Barbie Jeep.  Now, before you even ask.....yes, I did ride it, but no, there will never be any picture of it.  Believe me, it was not the most flattering position.

And here's one of the Dam we visited......the view was breath-taking.  Mostly because we were really high up in some rugged territory.....and we all know Big Daddy is not the best driver around when it comes to these type of conditions.  Let's just say poor J Girl woke up when we reached the top and began screaming for him NOT to drive into the water!

See that guardrail?  Well, lets just say the Army Corps of Engineers had Big Daddy in mind when they erected that!

Camera anyone?

Why can't I remember to stick my camera in my purse, huh?  It's at times like these that I need it....and where is it?  At home.

Anyway, I see this guy just about everyday.  He drives one of those new VW Bugs....you know, those too cute bubbly cars that you just want to slap the person that drives them.  Like, come on, no one could possible be that perky every day, am I right?  So, this guy, he is middle aged I guess...maybe slightly older.  Mostly gray hair anyway.  What struck me at first was the fact that he is a guy, and he drives a VW Bug.   In my opinion, a little too cutesy for a guy.  But what really freaked me out?  The car was complete with a daisy in the vase hanging off the dash!  If you are a guy, and even if you don't have a choice but to drive this car, wouldn't you remove the flower? 

My thought in the beginning was that maybe it was his wife's car.  And you know, he was too scared to remove the flower.  But after a few months, he never changed cars....which leads me to believe it's his. 

Today?  I saw him.  And I completely understand now.  He pulled up in his "bug", all done up with said flower again.  But this time, I was fortunate enough to watch him get out of the car.  And there it was....the ultimate accessory.....a fanny pack.  Yup, that's right, dude who drives a flower containing girly car wears a fanny pack.  Enough said.

Why are vacations always too short?

We're back!  And just like I said....it was too short. 

As you can see.....no wifi signals.  Nothing.  Nada.   I kept hitting refresh on my radar and not even a very weak signal.  Damn, those mountain people are cheap.

The kids had a great time though.  They adore spending time with my Parents....although at times I think they have conditions on that love....like driving the golf cart or taking them out for ice cream.  But hey, can't win them all, right?

So, here are a few shots from this weekend.  I took the first couple while driving the golf cart down to the lake.  Thought I would give you a birds eye view....and if I had one of those cameras that attached to my head....I would have totally used it....just in case anyone out there wants to send me one to try.

Now, let's recap our weekend, shall we..........

The first night "the mountains were talking to the clouds" which totally freaks out a certain little girl who hides under the blankets cause it's safe there.  (thunder) 

Second guess a trip to the mountains when your child has a slight phobia of any bug with wings....they are quite plentiful up there.

Going for a ride in the "gull kite" is one of the best things that could ever happen to a kid. (golf cart)

Ice Cream is great....but not as wonderful as riding on a giant giraffe that goes back and forth in the same motion for one solid minute.  That ride is totally worth throwing the rest of the cone away for. 

When your child asks if he/she is wearing under ware from the backseat, pull over, cause it can never be good.  If you happen to answer yes and then ask why....be prepared...a car seat can hold a very good amount of pee.  Just watch your shoes when removing it from the car.

With that said, all in all, we had a blast!

Food for Thought

Why is it that Firemen can no longer hang off the back of the firetrucks, but yet it does not apply to Trash men?

After pondering this for a while, I have come to a few conclusions......

1)  If a Fireman falls off he could get seriously injured....for example.....run over by the car following behind. 

2)  The driving laws state the a driver must keep a distance of 1000ft between themselves and a firetruck.  This was to allow the driver enough time to react if said fireman falls off.  So, if they are no longer able to hang off the back, then this law should be mute.  Drivers should now be permitted to tailgate them just like any other vehicle on the road.

3) Now, not only can a Trash man fall off, but he could fall in....which I consider not only to be unhealthy, but if that crusher thing is on, say bye-bye to the poor man who painstakingly endures the odor of others trash all day.  Hopefully they teach the drivers that sudden stops kill.

4) Also, there is nothing in the driver's handbook that states the desirable distance maintained when following behind a trash truck.  You would think this would be well over 1000ft....not only for the safety of the guys holding on for dear life on the back......but when that smell gets into your air conditioning vents, the entire car could be considered a rolling, combustible object.

Now, go....mull that one over....then head on back and let me know your thoughts on this issue.  As for me....I would like to see this on the ballet in November.

You would think that this would be self explanatory.
If you get too close, a large mouth will come out and swallow you whole.

The Cup is Still Half Empty

I was driving to work Thursday morning enjoying the peace and quiet since the van big fat bitch STILL does not have a working radio, when suddenly I heard a noise.  It was a sort of dinging sound.....you know....like when the gas light comes on.  (am I the only one who recognizes that sound?).

Immediately I look towards the gas gauge, but nope, it's not the gas light. 
I look up at the dash...and thats when I see it....the symbol.....you know, the one that means "I finally screwed you now". 

That's right....the check engine light.  As if the radio was not bad enough.........

But you know what?  She had it coming.  Take that for your stupid radio I say.  Now we will just wait and see what happens.  I am not seeking any medical mechanical attention for you.  What's that?  You have a head gasket ache?  Oh poor you.  Ha.....karma's a bitch.

A Day at the Institute

So, we spent the day, a couple weeks ago, at the Franklin Institute........and we did more than take pictures of Big Daddy with his super heroes.  Here are a few pics of the day.....................

Make a right at the left ventricle....

They say it's hard to get rid of plaque!

If the boy is driving, I want off this ride.

Driver's Ed Part Deuce

If you haven't read this post yet, then just take a minute and have a little looksy.

Part Deuce is just a little something I forgot to add......maybe because it will cause a certain someone to eat her words.....but as you know, I am here for your amusement....so here goes........

• If your toddler in the back seat continually screams "weeeeeeeeee" when your driving....you might wanna slow it down and leave the drag racing to Mario Andretti.

• If you get to the sitters only to find that your child was never buckled into the car seat, you might wanna leave a little extra time in the morning to get to where you gotta go.

• If you have to ask your three year old if your one year old is in the car, you might just wanna stay home.